In a Sustained exclusive the man with thousands of Christmas’ under his belt, Santa Claus himseELF, talks candidly about work, being green and elfsploitation
Interview by Jeremy Piximan
Piximan: Recent statistics have shown that a team of nine reindeer would emit methane equivalent to 40,667 tonnes of CO2 as they covered the 122 million miles needed to deliver presents to every house in the world, making your sleigh ride almost as environmentally unfriendly as an aircraft, which would produce 41,480 tonnes of CO2. How do you justify that?
Santa: Did you know that 82% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot and 43% of those are worthless! Seriously though, we should remember that this is an essential journey for the children of the world, just once a year, and reindeer are also part and parcel of their eco-system and have helped to sustain indigenous peoples for millennia.
That’s not to say that I think people should stop flying but they should consider why they are flying, how often they do it and perhaps it would be helpful if they stop making comparisons with living creatures in order to justify their own arbitrary actions. Anyway, it’s a sustainable option as it’s the methane we use to power the sleigh! Phewww!
Piximan: Mmm. So what does sustainability mean to you?
Santa: Children.
Piximan: Children?
Santa: Yes. Sustainability is all about children. People need to think of them as I do; not just your own children today, but all the generations of the world’s children to come. Thinking like that, with loving kindness, is the key to sustainability.
Piximan: I notice that you’re wearing a green suit, not your usual red one. Is Santa just jumping on the green bandwagon or, should I say, the green sleigh?
Santa: My dear Jeremy, let me tell you that I am wearing green because I have always worn green and will continue to always wear green. Green is my traditional colour and the only reason you are used to seeing me in red comes from a fairly recent representation of me in that colour which was widely publicised in the advertising campaign of a soft drinks corporation.
Piximan: On the subject of yuletide advertising, marketing and consumption, do you think Christmas is in crisis Santa?
Santa: Indeed it is dear boy, indeed it is. You see Christmas is about giving and about sharing but western culture has taken the beauty and necessity of those values and turned Christmas into a time of excess. It’s as simple as that. Your world is under threat because of your fixation with consumption and Christmas is the time when you take that to its extreme.
Piximan: So you’re not actually supportive of a consumer Christmas filled with toys, cards, decorations, gadgets, clothes, food, drink, TV specials, advertising, packaging, wrapping, crackers, tinsel, perfumes, deodorants, Christmas lights, chocolate, cheap plastic junk, nylon Santa hats and reindeer horns and, and . . .
Santa: Slade?
Piximan: Yes, Christmas singles!
Santa: Yes.
Piximan: Yes?
Santa: Yes, I’m not supportive of all that but I do actually like Slade. “Look to the future now, it’s only just begun.” Great line don’t you think; very now!
Piximan: Indeed, but if you could elaborate on Christmas consumption. . .
Santa: Ah yes, well, as I’ve said, Christmas is all about people, about family and community, about not leaving anyone out in the cold, about thanksgiving for the goodness of your life, for the returning light and warmth that promises a future crop and a future harvest, for the presence of the light and warmth of love that promises your future security and future joy. There are plenty of ways to celebrate it, to give gifts and enjoy the festive spirit, without going over the top. Think simple, think sustainable, think kindness. Approach it like that and it will bless you. Approach it in a frenzy and, well, you get the idea.
Piximan: Indeed. Now, contrary to your popular image as one of the good guys are you not guilty of running an over-centralised, multinational corporation powered by an exploited workforce of underpaid and overworked elves operating in sweatshop conditions.
Santa: Bit cold for a sweatshop!
Piximan: Come on, answer the question.
Santa: Well Jeremy, the truth is that the Christmas operation is actually run by the elves as a worker-owned co-operative with production and distribution centres all over the world sourcing natural products from indigenous elfin communities. I’m just the delivery man.
Piximan: Thank you Santa. Our readers will be very glad to hear that. Just one more thing?
Santa: What’s that?
Piximan: Can I get off your knee now?
Santa, the international elf co-operative, Sustained magazine and Ethical Junction would like to wish you all a very joyous, peaceful and loving Christmas and a happy and sustainably prosperous New Year. Take it kids.
‘So here it is,
Merry Christmas,
Everybody’s having fun,
Look to the future now
It’s only just begun . . ‘
The ‘Recycle Santa’ illustration is by Yana Foltice.